When I first arrived and started writing about life in The Netherlands, you shared a lot of great topic ideas for Expat Chronicles posts. Some of them I stored away, knowing I would need more time to shape my impression.

Like this one. You asked, “What are people like? Are they friendly? How do they treat each other, strangers and even their pets?” Oh, such big questions! And who am I to answer? Just one person, with one limited cultural vantage point and my small experiences. Keeping this huge caveat in mind, I will share what I see in the people around me. Of course I must make generalizations here, but there are exceptions to any rule.

Temperance

At first it was the silence that confronted us. On the trains there are silent cars with “silent” written in English and Dutch on the windows. If I’m traveling alone, I love these oases for reading or reflection while I hand sew. Of course you can choose a regular train car other times, to hold a conversation or play with your child.

There is also silence in the waiting rooms at the doctor’s office, where I observed even the primary children sitting quietly and waiting. When someone comes into the waiting room, everyone greets them and then it is quiet once more. There is silence on the streets, where cars rarely honk and wait patiently for bikers to pass by. Cyclists don’t call out to each other. In fact, soon after our arrival we began to curb our “outdoor” voices when cycling together as a family.

These little examples are not oddities, but rather variations on a theme. This is a people that can wait, will observe, appreciate peace and exercise frequent self-control.

I’ll never forget our first train ride when we arrived from the airport in Amsterdam. We settled completely unaware in one of the “silent” train cars. Chock it up to travel fatigue and our excitement to finally have arrived on Dutch soil. Our toddler was a bit noisy, playing with toys and falling off her chair before finally falling asleep. The rest of us chatted occasionally at regular volume.

So, what happened? Nothing. Our fellow passengers did not correct us or send a single disapproving look. As we left the car I noticed the signs, mortified.

One night I asked a group of Dutch friends, “What DO Dutch people get angry about?” I just don’t see them express anger. They are so peaceful and reasonable. There followed a slightly heated discussion about bike theft. Ha!

Pragmatism

One of the characteristics the Dutch are famous for is speaking their minds. This can be described as forthright honesty or as rudeness, depending upon your perspective; but more than one native has explained it to me in more practical terms.

The idea is that saying what you really feel makes a lot of things possible. It doesn’t waste time and sort of moves things along in life. For example:

Genuine relationships - You know how people feel about you. There is no pretending. People who like you will be friendly and interested in making plans to spend time together. People who don’t connect with you, won’t go on asking “how you are” and saying “we should do lunch”. I’ve noticed that some of my friendships have grown faster than I expected, and I think that is because of the clear signals exchanged verbally. It’s so real.
Change - When people feel free to share their thoughts, diverse ideas emerge. People aren’t shy to correct others, to an extent, or to disagree. I love how this sparks real conversation. They state their thoughts clearly and simply, without softening the edges.
Logistics - Discussing compensation, organizing a social function, shopping for a home or talking with teachers. Moments like these are negotiations. Each party has interests and limits and sees different possibilities. Is it possible to find a mutually agreeable arrangement? You’ll find out much quicker if everyone speaks freely!

The Dutch are pragmatic in ways beyond honesty. They pass laws to promote the behaviors they want to encourage, like cycling or driving small cars, rather than just talking about the issues. They seem to me to be very good at actually solving problems. For example, they have one of the best and most sustainable retirement/pension plans in the world, and they provide so much choice in education, which allows parents and children to do the hard work of matching individuals to learning life paths.

One of my readers alerted me to Holland’s success with eliminating stray dogs with progressive laws. And it’s true that I haven’t seen any since living here. There was a government worker who came to our door to ask if we have any dogs. Apparently you must register your dog with the city and pay an annual tax. Dogs are popular pets here and seem well cared for. But one way that the Dutch aren’t practical - they don’t do a good job picking up dog poop! Gross. So there’s an area for improvement.

Humility

This is my favorite one. These people are so darn humble. I don’t think they realize that, but as an outsider it’s so clear.

The Netherlands is the most international country in Europe. Living here, you can see why. They genuinely respect other cultures and don’t assume theirs to be superior. Just as they treat each other with equality and respect, they treat foreigners as normal people. The country as a whole is outward-looking.

It comes to the forefront with language. University-bound high school students study four languages and not just a token study that doesn’t really get you anywhere. They study the languages for years. They are so willing to speak other languages and so humble about their own. As one Dutch friend explained, “Ours is a little language.” In other words, we understand that you don’t know our language; it’s not so useful in the big world.

Early on the Dutch culture embraced sea trade with “other” people as a bedrock of their economy. They expect to learn or gain from interacting with outsiders. They don’t think they have all the answers or all of the resources. They understand the value of standing together.

One thing I didn’t expect is the way that cycling reinforces humility. In our city people wear practical clothing and don’t carry fancy bags. It’s sneakers and backpacks and jeans. (Though they do know how to rock a scarf!). Even hairstyles are simple. After all, when it rains you’ll probably pull on a hood. At the very least your hair will be windblown after even a modest ride. By the way, this is why Dutch men wear lots of hair gel! Liam totally fits in.

And coming from America, the small houses and small cars look like humility. I think that’s just my cultural upbringing showing. On the other hand, I don’t think that the general population uses homes or cars as status symbols. It’s nice.

It happens at least once a week. My English gives me away as an American, but then a Dutch person, like a waiter or plumber or doctor, realizes that we live here. We’re not tourists. In fact we chose to move here from American of our own volition.

Then I’m asked an incredulous, “Why? Why did you move here?” And I think that says it all as far as humility. I used to give a wordy explanation, but now I just say, “Because The Netherlands is a wonderful country!”

It’s simply true. Maybe I can help more Dutch people realize what they a have and how precious it is.