little emissaries

I'm sitting here staring at my keyboard.  I hardly ever do that.  After all the things I've shared, all the terribly difficult things, it's surprising how hard it is for me to make this transition.  It's something wonderful, something I wanted very much, something that came much easier than expected and holds every promise of success.

I'm pregnant.

The fabric arrived on Friday.

Three Birch Organics double gauze cuts, light and fluffy, each a soft cloud.  I'll make two rompers, one boy and one girl, little emissaries of optimistic expectation.  The third fabric, the gray birds (Flight Shroom), is for a skirt.  A maternity skirt.  Because I need those.

I'm using the Oliver & S Lullaby Layette pattern, purchased for instant download from Connecting Threads.  Although the pattern serves birth to 24 months, I chose to make 6-12 month rompers.  It's a size that gets a lot of wear.  The lightweight cotton gauze should serve baby well next summer.

This was my first time sewing a button placket.  The odd-looking steps made me nervous, but it was a breeze to follow instructions from Oliver & S.  The plackets came out quite neatly, in fact.

I'd say things got most rocky attaching the twill snap tape because it was difficult to sew straight so close to protruding snaps.  But I'm still glad I opted for twill tape instead of setting snaps.  If you set snaps incorrectly a project is pretty well ruined.  And... I sewed the snap tape to the wrong side of the back bodysuit the first time around, so I'm just thankful it was removable!

My little boy romper is made following the Lullaby Layette pattern to the letter, excepting the snap tape.  The fabric is Birch Organics Pebble Stripe multi.

My little girl romper is made with flutter sleeves, following a tutorial at You & Mie.  I cut my flutter sleeves the same dimensions as demonstrated in the tutorial, even though my romper is the next size up from hers.  My sleeves came out considerably smaller, but I like them.

Because this fabric, called Flight Coral, is so sparsely printed, this double gauze is even softer than the other.  But, of course, its best feature is the wheeling birds.   Look how they ended up sprinkled on that little bum!   How I'd like to see a little one crawling across the floor in this number, someday.  It's so confusing, those imaginings.  My heart cautions, "Don't hope for so much, " and my head counters, "Don't expect the worse."

So, here's what we know.  Come Thanksgiving, we hope to welcome either a new baby girl OR a new baby boy to our family.  Not two, just one.  I've now completed my first trimester, and so far the pregnancy has a clean bill of health.  Since I don't take anything for granted anymore, I have already seen a high risk doctor (my request) and will be taking extra precautions during my pregnancy and birth to eliminate as much risk as possible.  But now I know too well that there is always risk in birth. That is why I hope to have a baby.  That is why I'm struggling with this transition.  Standing at the edge, looking for my heart to move towards celebration, towards joy.

And so, I made these rompers to declare my hope with my hands. 

I am grateful to be able to share my good news with this kind community, some who I know will understand the bittersweet expectation of pregnancy after infant loss and others who will try to understand and surely wish us the best.  Thank you for that.  You are each a blessing.  Let's hope together.